In an effort to prevent congress from raising income taxes, Steve Jobs has taken drastic steps to remind Americans and politicians that he “basically owns this shit”.
“Look you guys,” said Jobs during testimony to the House Committee on Ways and Means “The American public is making the juice, buying the juice, and using the juice—all I’m doing is squeezing the juice out of the ripe fruit that is my brain. Without me you’ve got no fruit.” This extended apple metaphor confused Republican chairman David Camp until Steve clarified that he was “a jobs creator”, a term that has become the ubiquitous descriptor for a wealthy dude in the Republican lexicon.
Immediately Steve’s incredible brain turned the belabored phrase into a catchy signoff “Steve Jobs-Creator, out.” That left congress in a heightened state of agreement nothing short of revolutionary.
Democrats were stunned at the sudden realization that economic policy really was that simple: CEOs need second houses, yachts, extra property, and multi-million dollar personal investment portfolios so that they can feel comfortable and safe enough to determine where, who, when and why the rest of Americans work!
“Steve Jobs made the iPad 2, I bet he could make a Medicare app if he wasn’t paying such high income taxes” mused Congressman Wally Herger.
Jobs was so tickled by his own genius that he decided to file for a legal name change, causing waves of other CEOs to follow suit. “Steve has always been a game changer in the fortune 500 world” said Larry D. Young-Money of the Dr. Pepper Snapple group.
“He’s a minimalist. Leave it to Steve to revive trickle-down Reaganomics with just pure sexy branding.”