New Reality Show to Feature Bachelorettes Competing in Talent Competition and Surviving in Amazonian Rainforest while Playing Charades with Celebrity Bachelors and Avoiding Donald Trump with a Machete

5 Aug

Mark Burnett has struck again, saying he has decided to produce the “Granddaddy of all reality shows” in 2012. The show, aptly titled “The Bachler-Not Yet” will feature 50 of America’s fattest bachelorettes pitted against each other, their weight, the elements, their potential celebrity lovers, and oh yea–a heavily armed Donald Trump dressed in jungle fatigues.

“Well in this industry, if you find a great concept for TV, a powerful concept that really has social and entertainment value like reality television does, you’ve got to beat the idea to near-death until its weakened lungs squeeze out one last desperate breath,” said Burnett in a press release Thursday evening. “We are excited this show could be that last breath.”

The idea for the show came to fruition in the Mark Burnett Reality Show Creation Lab where teams of mathematicians study permutations of already existing reality TV concepts to release as new shows.

“We were working in the lab and Mark was watching Maury like he usually does, and it just popped into his head! Amazing! He doesn’t have to do any calculations, he’s an artist with this stuff.” explained lab tech turned executive producer Dave Broome.

The show, which is set to begin production this February, will have the format of a talent competition like American Idol or America’s Got Talent, only the judges will be Amazonian tribal elders. The bachelorettes will have to win over the elders with talents devoid of the English language or Western culture. Ultimately the judge’s opinions aren’t crucial, as America will vote whether or not the ladies are talented enough (or have lost enough weight) to win immunity and move on to the daily lightning charades rounds. If they can win lightning charades, they will then have the choice between courting their chosen celebrity bachelor or getting married to a random stranger while base-jumping the Iguazu falls.

The show’s major twist came as quite a surprise even to Mark Burnette, when Donald Trump burst into a production meeting and demanded he be allowed to chase contestants around in a murderous rage for the duration of the show.

“Talk about ramping up viewership!” Drooled Burnette.

“He’s still really upset about his failed presidential attempt, so we’re banking on that pent up rage providing some real prime time TV!”

Contestants desperately scrap for dry land after encountering Donald Trump in a shark suit.

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