Rafael Nadal’s Father Disappointed Son Channeling Superpowers Towards Tennis

12 Aug

In an exclusive interview with Knewscorp, Sebastián Nadal, father of tennis star Rafael Nadal, expressed deep disappointment that his son has decided to use his near-boundless supernatural powers to play sports for a living.

According to his father, the six-time French Open champion was stung by a scorpion near the Los Alamos National Laboratories during a childhood visit to the United States. He soon after developed superhuman strength, agility, perceptiveness, deductive ability, and empathy, as well as the abilities to stop time, breathe underwater, and hypnotize wild animals.

“I suppose I could think of something Rafa can’t do,” said Nadal, “but it would take me a very long time.  He could do so much good for the world. He could end hunger or fight crime. So why does he play tennis? He’s killing his mother.”

“Levitate,” Nadal added. “He can’t levitate. Yet.”

Anonymous sources report that tensions within the Nadal family have been building in recent years. “It started when he foiled a jewel heist during the family trip to London in 2009,” said one. “The police wanted him to come in the next day to consult on a series of suspicious disappearances, but he said he couldn’t because Wimbledon was coming up and he had to work on his grass game. That really upset Sebastián.”

When he perceived through an uncanny sense of future events that this article was to be published, Rafael Nadal telepathically issued to Knewscorp the following statement: “I regret the pain my life choices have caused my loved ones. I just want to be the best tennis player I can be, and I hope that one day my father can accept that, despite my demigod-like abilities to mold the world like putty in my image, that is the path that will bring me the most happiness.”

Rafael Nadal seen wasting his ability to breathe underwater as he goofs off with a tennis racket.

“That is nonsense,” replied the elder Nadal. “Rafa could beat Djokavic and Federer at the same time without a racket if he wanted to. Why does he ever lose at all? The boy is just lazy.”

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