Scotland Yard Riots in Response to London Riots

17 Aug

Uniformed officers get involved in the fracus after downing several bottles of Scotch and pissing on football fans.

In a surprising turn of events Tuesday morning the London Metropolitan Police took to the streets of Tottenham wearing plain clothes, shouting anti-citizen slurs, and throwing fire bombs at passing cars.  Knewscorp correspondents were able to determine that indeed the police were rioting after witnessing rampant looting and countless acts of baseless property destruction by the Met.

The police riots have been deemed retaliation for the public riots that erupted last week in London, which made law enforcement seem like a group of blind 3rd graders playing cops and robbers.  In a brash move after heated debates over police response and poor performance, Scotland Yard has messaged all wards urging cops to “riot without regard for public safety—you know, to show them what’s what.”

All over London Tuesday drunken cops took to slashing tires on parked cars and setting fire to private residences, while taking turns spray painting I ❤ anarchy symbols on the faces of known looters in their sleep.

“Give these gumps a little taste of their own medicine is what I say,” explained Prime Minister David Cameron to furious onlookers as he handed a symbolic Molotov cocktail to London police commissioner Tim Godwin.

Looters were surprised to return home from work and school Tuesday evening, to find their homes had been re-looted by the Metropolitan Police. “My entertainment system that I had just jacked two days ago was gone…  Touche, you know?”  said one Tottenham resident.

“Oh that system?  Yea that’s downtown at the station now in the briefing room.  We’re going to have some wicked FIFA tournaments,” laughed policeman Robert Whittington as he lit an M-80 firecracker and tossed it into an occupied bathroom stall.


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