Chinese Central Bank to Deposit U.S.

1 Dec

In a precautionary move designed to shore up Chinese assets from potential losses due to a European Financial Collapse, the Chinese government has decided to deposit the entire continental United States into the People’s Bank of China for safe keeping.

Wall Prototype

A prototype for a wall that could be built around the US to mark it as a Chinese bank account.

“We want to be able to save what’s left of the US for a rainy day” mentioned paramount leader Hu Jintao.

Although a logistical nightmare, the Chinese government believes its brightest engineers and mathematicians can find a way to fit every good, service, human being, and landmass from the United States into the PBC branch in Beijing.  An alternative plan has also been hatched to build a great wall around the continental US and call it a bank account.

Although perturbed that he might have to move his desk, Vice President Joe Biden has expressed his support for the new Chinese initiative:

“Well, we technically already live in a giant Chinese bank account.  In fact this Mossimo under-shirt I’m wearing was made in China.  So it’ll just be safer and smarter to have the actual physical Chinese bank surrounding us,” reflected Biden.

But this drastic new strategy came as a shock to some Americans who had become accustomed the slow, gradual pace of surrendering their lives and property to the Chinese.

San Francisco resident Larry Cupito was stunned to find Chinese repo men taking his IKEA Furniture to the airport early last Friday morning.

“I was like dude, shit.  China’s got IKEA?  I Should’ve gone to–No wait they own Rent-A-Center too.  Wait what don’t the Chinese own…?  Oh. I get it.”

 

 

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