Writer Decides to Focus on Self for Once

11 Dec

34-year-old journalist, blogger, and novelist Randolph Knowles, who has been doing nothing but bolstering his writing career for the last 14 years, has decided to finally do a little something for himself.

The writer has had virtually no time to do anything for himself for the past decade, as he has been busy focusing exclusively on having really awesome life experiences so that he can write award-winning novels about them.

Knowles first realized he was being completely self-less one day when walking alone on his father’s estate outside Charlottesville, Virginia relentlessly brainstorming characters for his novel on love and European neofunctionalism.

“It just kind of hit me, that I had given my whole life to writing.  I was never giving myself the light of day without thinking about how I was living, and how that could translate into a character, or how I should be living so that my characters would improve.  None of it was about me you know?  Me.  Randolph Knowles.” Opined the noble writer.

Knowles’ liberal Arts education at Davidson College also left very little time to focus on himself since class sizes were small and professors were always engaging him in rigorous intellectual exchanges.

“Randolph was incredibly focused on getting other people to read his writing.  What made him a true altruist was that he didn’t enjoy himself until other people were enjoying his brilliance,” remembers English professor Wilson Hennings.

The 34-year-old writer plans to spend the holiday season scuba diving in Key West—Only the fourth time he’s visited the Keys, and the first time he will be there solely to focus on his own personal well-being.

“It’s going to be a well deserved respite,” explained Knowles.  “When I return I hope to continue focusing on myself.  I plan to start yoga for my physical health, hire a guru to soothe my anxiety, and contract a Sherpa so that I never have to lift anything heavy.  I’ve got to do some small things for me.”

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