Physical Laws Prevent Further McDonald’s Expansion

4 Jan

Although McDonald’s has overcome legal barriers to its expansion many times before, it appears that the laws of physics are beginning to impede the growth of the famous American fast-food restaurant.

The inability of McDonald’s lawyers to fight physical laws preventing matter from existing in the exact time and space as other matter has made it difficult for the company to construct the walls of planned franchises inside the walls of other businesses.  The planned infiltration franchising was proposed for competing businesses where all exterior spaces were already 100% occupied by McDonald’s restaurants—like gas stations and every retail establishment in the world.

So far, there have been mixed reactions to the laws among the McDonald’s elite, some of who don’t believe in physics and are expressing anger over what appears to be a giant left-wing conspiracy against capitalism.

“These laws are an affront to freedom of choice,” said McDonald’s corporate spokesman Kenneth Richardson. “People choose to eat our food.  We are choosing to use the money from their choices to destroy other restaurants from within.  I don’t see why these liberal scientists get to make up laws blocking our choices.”

McDonald’s has long faced physical limitations impeding profits like the inability of underpaid assembly line workers to produce a cheeseburger faster than the speed of light.  But this is the first time the corporation has bumped up against sheer, tested, physical laws.

The real test for the company will be to see if upper management finally realizes the world can’t physically handle any more McDonald’s restaurants.





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