French Self-Rating Upgraded

15 Jan

The French government has decided to raise the level of awesomeness they bestow upon themselves and the citizens of France from Awesome+ to triple Awesome++  (AAA++).

The rating is said to indicate their level of cultural relevance and value as a global beacon of coolness.

A lot of factors are taken into account before the Norme et Pauvres (N&P) agency makes a change in the rating that affects the all-important French image amongst its peers.

N&P considers typical social indicators such as club quality, dub step scene, clothing cost, wine per capita, ethnocentrism, and sex appeal of citizen’s shoes.

The recent elevation to AAA++ comes as no surprise to most French citizens.

“We remain trés cool as shit” said Parisian Jacques Chevalier.

But other European countries are questioning the legitimacy and objectivity of ratings agencies like the N&P.

“Actually I’m just questioning why you consider this news?” wondered German Prime Minister Angela Merkel.

“It’s French people, loving themselves.  Nothing too out of the ordinary really,” said Spanish president Mariano Rajoy.

The N&P has upgraded the level of French awesomeness every year since the creation of the ratings agency, and spokesman Jean-Luc Fournier has indicated this trend will continue, like most other trends in France.

French people tend to think so highly of themselves they play rugby in suits.

“It is the easiest government job I have ever had,” admitted Fournier.  “And state benefits are incredible, because this country is mad chill.  Just try this Chablis.”

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