First Lady Uses Drones For Parking Spot At J.Crew

16 Jan

Michelle Obama seen here explaining to a man who was double parked how her fists are like predator drones.

Predator drones flew over Washington, D.C. this weekend when first lady Michelle Obama couldn’t find a parking spot at J.Crew.

Obama had reportedly been driving around for a half hour before growing frustrated and placing a call to the Department of Defense on her cell phone.

The threat of the drones, which were armed with Hellfire missiles, was enough to free up many parking spaces near the clothing boutique’s Georgetown Park location. There were no reports of injuries or weapons being fired.

“I had no idea it was Michelle Obama,” said Rory Hudson, one of the many J.Crew shoppers who fled the area when an announcement about the drones was made over the store’s intercom.

“I would have moved if she had just asked me,” Hudson added. “And, if she wanted to intimidate me, all she had to do was walk up and flex her arms.”

Malia Obama, 13, was waiting on the curb for her mother to park. According to witnesses, Malia said, “Mom, you’re totally embarrassing me,” while rolling her eyes and covering her face with her hands a number of times.

The incident is the first deployment of armed drones in U.S. territory, but not their first use against American citizens. In September, Anwar al-Awlaki and Samir Khan, Americans with reported ties to Al Qaeda, were killed by drone attacks in Yemen.

President Obama also threatened the lives of the Jonas Brothers — citizens and national treasures of the United States — with Predator drone attacks during the 2010 White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner.

Spokesmen for both The Pentagon and J.Crew were not prepared for immediate comment, citing extreme confusion.

Employees of J.Crew’s The Shops at Georgetown Park location have been asked not to speak about the incident.

One employee, however, on condition of anonymity, said the first lady purchased three cashmere sweaters and a pair of ankle boots, although she spent time in the dressing room trying on much more.


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