Archive | March, 2012

Putin Upsets Zyuganov!

5 Mar

Mr. Putin seemed equally surprised after hearing news of his upset victory, saying "I'm like totally, legitimately, super surprised about this... But okay I'll be president again."

In a surprising turn of events that can only be described as unprecedented, underdog candidate Vladimir Putin has stunned Gennady Zyuganov with an upset victory in the 2012 Russian Presidential election.

Mr. Putin will become one of only four Russian Federation presidents to be elected since the collapse of the Soviet Union, for only the third time in his life.

The Russian people paid little attention to Putin as a serious contender for the presidency due to his sincere retirement to the position of Prime Minister following his presidential term in 2008.

“He is like zee Michael Jordan of Mother Russia!” exclaimed former Utah Jazz forward Andrei Kirilenko.

Many Russians were ecstatic to hear of the upset.  A silent majority of the country suspected Zyuganov was manipulating the elections from his position of power as a government outsider.

“Putin is so honest and humble, while Zyuganov is all ego.  I am so proud that Russia has elected a sensitive candidate who cares about the country more than himself.” Said one Lomonosov Moscow State University student.

Current president Dmitry Medvedev was also shocked by the landslide victory, citing Putin’s lack of interest in the Medvedev administration and his listless involvement in the United Russia party.

“Wow… I didn’t even know he was still in Moscow!  I thought maybe he had moved to St. Petersburg to retire or something.  We really haven’t even spoken since 2008… like seriously what a surprise, ya?”  Exclaimed Medvedev.