Giant Bank Makes Giant Mistake, Everyone Super Surprised

11 May

A gigantic bank has made a gigantic mistake stunning an enormous number of people.

JP Morgan Chase, a big-ass-bank that combined two moderately-big-ass-banks in the year 2000, surprised even itself on Wednesday with $2bn losses, since normally big-ass banks never make  mistakes like gambling with gargantuan sums of other peoples’ money.

“It’s like, these bankers are so smart & big & stuff.  I usually love how they just plug my money into a computer and more money comes out!” said Herb Martin, a father of two and avid bank account opener.

US lawmakers were also super surprised since they are normally experts at anticipating dangerous financial practices and proactively regulating mammoth banks.

Most surprising was perhaps the cause of the giant mistake, which turned out to be giant douche-bag traders who made a lot of unnecessarily risky bets–

Big ass mistake

Normally, those that work in big-ass finance are totally in touch with reality, and rarely make big-ass mistakes.

extremely rare for the financial industry.

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