State Amendment Would Prohibit Heterosexual Mergers

21 May

Supporters say Amendment 2 supports traditional gay mergers between two men only.

North Carolina will vote in referendum Tuesday on a constitutional amendment to define mergers as only between one man-led company and another man-led company.

The exact ballot language of Amendment 2 will read as follows:

Constitutional amendment to provide that mergers between one man and one man is the only corporate legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State.

Proponents of the amendment argue that traditional corporate mergers are historically gay, and have only recently featured heterosexual mergers between male and female owned companies due to women’s empowerment initiatives in the 20th century.  The NC Values Coalition argues powerful women choose this lifestyle, a choice influenced by the decaying moral fabric of modern society.

“This is a matter of preserving traditional mergers,” said Rep. Larry Brown, a Republican. “Since biblical times, all over the world and in every society mergers have only occurred between two men—and for good reason.  Women biologically are incapable of producing companies and startups, so they have no place merging with men.”

Opponents of the amendment said the notion that only two men can raise a successful company is ridiculous and small-minded, citing numerous examples of women taking over companies abandoned from traditional same-sex mergers and raising them as wildly successful socially beneficial businesses.

“We don’t want to support women adopting corporations from proper same-sex mergers,” explained Rev. Billie Graham. “It would be a tumultuous paradigm shift with disastrous consequences. Research has shown over and over again that the most successful companies come from this traditional, sacred, corporate bond between two men.”

Many CEOs and other businessmen from gay mergers held a rally to protect corporate families on Thursday in downtown Raleigh with over 3,500 members of the North Carolina Christian Action League in attendance.

“The passion men have for each other in the business world is unrivaled,” said Rev. Hart Peters of Smithfield, NC. “This is a biological and religious certitude that we cannot allow to be attacked by straight business activists and women who want to fundamentally alter one of the most important human social institutions in America—two men gettin’ down to business.”

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One Response to “State Amendment Would Prohibit Heterosexual Mergers”

  1. Anonymous May 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    This is a sad day for NC. I haven’t told anybody this in almost ten years now, but my mother is a woman. I used to be scared to say it. Will she be able to partner with my friend’s mom (also a woman) or is this ban strictly hetero-?

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